When grieving the loss of a loved one, you will have good and bad days. It's very easy to feel like you haven't healed. There will be days and things that will trigger a memory, but don't give up. That's the hardest time to be strong. You hear people say "where you on 9/11?" And most of us can answer that without much thinking. The same goes with grief. I will always associate May 4th not to Star Wars, but to the day our hope was shook. Anybody going through cancer, patient or caregiver, you hold onto hope for remission. Keith and I fought his cancer for about 8 years. We knew that one day it would win, but we continued to fight. When the Dr and his team arrived to give us the news that he had reach the end of his treatment, it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room. I know that it was the last thing they wanted to do. They have become family throughout his treatments. I will always remember how strong Keith was. I know it broke him as it did me. Even in that moment, he was still thinking about others. He was worried about not letting our family find out on the phone.
As much as we would love to decide fate, it is above our pay grade. I can never forget how no matter what hit him during his journey, he faced it head first. He could always find laughter in anything he went through. Without his humor I know I would have been knocked down from it. He truly inspired me with his strength. This year without him has been the hardest I've every had. I thought the years battling cancer was but with those he was there beside me. I know he is still here and will always be with me. When I lost him, I truly did lose half of me. I never fully believed that until then. I spend more time trying to figure out who I am and what I am suppose to do now. No matter how hard it gets, I know I will look to him. He went through the worst thing ever and he still was able to worry about others and bring humor. I'm so thankful for this foundation because I know that his love and compassion for others can continue in his name.
I may have bad days or stumble, but I will dust myself off and continue. I will follow his example. I know I will continue to need help, but I will survive this. I will never forget but I will make him proud of me. If you or someone you love is going through loss or on this cancer journey, please help them. It's okay to ask for help, no one can get through this alone. My support system has gone above and beyond and I am so thankful for each of them. Stay strong Warriors!!!!!